By now, most of you have heard of the flying spaghetti monster. If not, click here to read what it’s all about.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a deity of a parody religion founded by Bobby Henderson in 2005 to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design creationism as an alternative to biological evolution. In an open letter on his website, Henderson professes belief in a supernatural Creator entity that resembles spaghetti and meatballs called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and calls for Pastafarianism to be taught in science classrooms, essentially invoking a reductio ad absurdum argument against the teaching of Intelligent Design

Why am I bringing up this tired meme of days gone by on the internets? Well, I stumbled upon the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s blog today and I was impressed with the amount of hate mail he receives. A selection of tasty bromides from the religious right:

If I was your creator and you mocked me in this manner I couldn’t think of a hell hot enough for you. It is really sad to think that at Judgement you will be standing in front of God Almighty and he will look at you and say “Depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you”

Why doesn’t anyone ever call ME a worker of iniquity? It’s a goal to strive for I guess…

I know that science, a religion in and of itself, is NOT the worlds answer to all of our questions. In truth, the scientific method taught in our schools is NOT the true scientific method.

O RLY?

I do believe you are a fucking retard and I hope you burn in hell. Fuck you and the flying spaghetti monster. You obviously think life is just a big damn joke. Its all for humor and entertainment. I look forward to the day it fucks you right in the ass.

That’s not very nice.

ust wait till you are standing in front of the gates of heaven. when god asks you “Why should I let you into Heaven?” what are you going to say? “let me in because i mocked you my entire pathetic life, said there was a god better than you, made of spaghetti and meatballs. let me in.” right. thats the point you go to hell. you are a stupid little guy with no girlfriend, so you’re depressed. writing about your fake, gay loving man whore god. to get attention. all its gonna get you is a foot so far up your a** your gonna have ingrown toenails growin out your ears.

Who knew that God had ingrown toenails?

Pundit already tackled the solid points made by Allan Uhtman in this week’s edition of the Buffalo Beast but, I thought I’d throw my two cents in as well.

First of all, I think the Beast is an awesome publication, they are the media enema this town has needed for a long time. They’re irreverent, sarcastic, and funny…essentially, everything that Artvoice should be, but isn’t. I look forward to every issue to see which group of self important douchebags they’ve targeted for ridicule.

Surprise, surprise…the self important douchebags of the week are Odien, Newell, Geek, Pundit, and the BANANA brigade. I’m honored.

The latest controversy of this type revolves around the proposed Elmwood Village Hotel, a 72-room, 4-story affair which would replace 5 small businesses at Elmwood and Forest avenues. Recently, a group of business owners and nearby residents filed suit against the city, claiming the approval process for the hotel was rushed and the hotel didn’t obey zoning laws. Savarino Companies, the firm behind the hotel plan, responded by withdrawing its application and resubmitting it for approval.

The bloggers were beside themselves. BuffaloGeek used the acronym BANANA (Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything), coined back in 1990, along with the old standby NIMBY. Bloggers love a catchy meme, so it immediately became a mantra with the group. Soon they were planning a pro-hotel protest, spearheaded by Marc Odien—known as Buffalo Watchdog on WNYMedia.net—dubbed “The Great BANANA Blackout,” in front of Don Apparel, one of the businesses targeted for demolition, whose proprietor has been one of the most vocal opponents of the proposed hotel.

You’re god damned right we love a catchy meme or clever lawn sign. What kind of political movement worth its salt is complete without a catchy slogan?

I’d like to address a few of his points in order to clarify my position.

…it seems to me that crummy little shops that cater to bohemians and college kids are a big part of the reason the bourgeoisie started encroaching in the first place, so I wonder what happens to the appeal of the neighborhood when they’re priced out of existence.

What happens? They quit bitching and move over to Grant Street where they can hipsterfy a new neighborhood. I’m tired of pretending that Elmwood hasn’t gentrified, it has and this hotel is the finishing touch. Let’s call Elmwood finished and move on to making another neighborhood cool.

It wasn’t opposition to the hotel that brought us out to water the crowd that day. What we’re really against is intentionally mischaracterizing one’s opposition. “Build absolutely nothing anywhere near anything” doesn’t accurately describe the viewpoint of anyone, and everyone knows it. It’s a ludicrous characterization, and a rejection of reasonable discourse. It’s every lame buzzword appellation you’ve ever been saddled with. It’s “cut and run,” “moonbat,” “kool-aid drinker” and every other baseless label that demeans the political process.

It absolutely is a ludicrous characterization and it is indeed a rejection of reasonable discourse. My use of it was intended to draw attention to a worthy cause; sustainable and transparent development practices. Every product or movement needs to have a brand, logo, slogan, etc. BANANA is catchy, different, and its use brought the news media out in force…which was the ultimate goal. NIMBY is the correct term, however, it’s overused and boring.

If the hotel gets built, it gets built. At least now it’ll be done by the book, and I don’t really see how anyone can object to that. It’s easy to call someone a “NIMBY” when a proposed project isn’t actually in your backyard.

It was done by the book the first time. The city waived the requirement for an EIS based on the fact that the nature of the business wasn’t all that different than the existing collection of businesses. Savarino held community hearings, solicited feedback, and adapted the project to the desires of the neighbors. It’s a good project.

No, it’s not in my backyard…however, I didn’t buy a house that has a backyard that butts up to a commercial shopping and business district…which the NIMBYs on Granger did.

The conventional wisdom among the community calling itself New Buffalo seems to be that it’s backwards, defeatist thinking for people to be against any new development in the city. But aren’t poorly conceived construction projects a big part of the problem? The convention center, the subway, the Main Place mall, “Buffalo Place”—would the New Buffalo people have blindly supported these mega-blunders and called their opponents BANANAs?

No, each project is judged on its own merits. If the developer is as agreeable as Savarino has been through this process, the city wins. That’s why our support for this effort was crucial, to let developers know that there are individuals in this city that support transparent and sustainable development.

Should citizen lawsuits be condemned as the dirty tricks of obstructionists, or recognized as the peaceful recourse of the weak against the powerful, an essential element to an equitable civilization?

Yes, they should be condemned when they are baseless in nature and motivated by selfish concerns.

If the lawsuit had no merit, why would Savarino have been so quick to restart the process?

Because its cheaper and faster to go through the full EIS than get caught up in court with a bunch of selfish NIMBYs for months on end.

This isn’t abortion or gay rights; it’s a hotel. It’s something to argue about rationally. To reduce the people who oppose it to BANANAs is only to make a monkey of yourself.

Perhaps. However, we drew attention to a quality project and our support for the project was covered by all three TV stations, four radio stations, the Buffalo News and now The Beast. I’d say it was pretty successful.

In any event, the Beast contributed to the discourse on the issue and helped us make it an even more successful rally. Thanks for the driveby, the laughs, and the article. Just as an FYI, we’re all part of New Buffalo, whether you like it or not.

Three New Hampshire National Guard soldiers were given video cameras prior to their deployment to Iraq. Their mission was to capture the entire war experience so we could see it through a soldier’s eyes.

This extraordinarily important film is the first documentary to chronicle the war through the eyes of those Soldiers who lived it. Director Deborah Scranton and Producer Chuck Lacy gave video cameras to a group of Soldiers from the New Hampshire National Guard prior to their deployment, and this film is the result. Awarded “Best Documentary” at the Tribeca Film Festival last month, this film is a must-see for anyone who seeks to better understand the war, and its impact on the men and women sent to fight it.

The trailer for the movie is incredibly powerful.

This groundbreaking documentary film is opening in Buffalo this Friday at the Dipson Theaters at the Market Arcade.

The most powerful thing in the world is truth. See this movie.

The number of groups that are banding together to make Buffalo a better place is truly astounding. Meet Richard Serra, President of both All Pro Parking and the non-profit group “Working For Downtown“.

Working for Downtown sponsors a number of ongoing events in Buffalo. The most popular has been “Thursday in the City,” a weekly social from 5 to 8 p.m. held most recently in Bacchus Wine Bar & Restaurant. It resumes in September, with the goal of bringing together residents and people who work in the city to “enhance the quality of living, working and playing downtown.”

The organization also sponsors Buffalo Walks tours of downtown and the waterfront; encourages discussion of city issues through its Brown Bag Lunch Series, Buffalo Forum and Buffalo Talks; gets involved in beautification efforts and initiated Bricks for Buffalo, located by the D&L Terminal.

Smells like progress to me…

Cindy Locklear has an insider’s account of the current battle over redefining the role of the Deputy County Executive into a professional county manager.

Once a Local Law is clocked in, it has to “sit on the table” for 8 days before it can be moved for a vote. After the 8 days of aging ’”on the Table” expire, it’s within the discretion of the Chairman of the Legislature, whether or not to move the proposed law for a vote. If the Chair wants to leave it on the table the only way for a legislator to move it, is to “challenge the chair”. Apparently this is “political suicide” if the challenger and the Chair are of the same party (something I didnt know, til after the first time I did it).

You want to know how politics are played in the legislature? Cindy is giving you a blow-by-blow accounting at her new blog. Make sure you stop in to check it out.

Which was the least surprising nugget of news this week?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Chalk up another $200,000 of politically motivated contributions to the Spitzer campaign.

Gubernatorial front-runner Eliot Spitzer has accepted more than $200,000 from companies bidding for the lucrative rights to run the Aqueduct, Belmont, and Saratoga horse racing tracks, the Daily News has found.

A spokeswoman for Spitzer, who has promised to end Albany’s “pay-to-play culture,” said the current attorney general has a history of showing no favor to his financial backers.

I’ll file this one away and see if this group wins the rights to a percentage of the $3.4BN that is annually bet on the ponies.

Did you come into the city to enjoy one of the nation’s largest and most beautiful Garden Walks?

If not, why not? If so, did you put in your order for the high quality book and DVD that showcases the most memorable gardens in Buffalo? If not, why not?

Support a budding Buffalo business and pick up a copy!

I’ve been around the block enough to know that The Buffalo News has invested a lot of column space and money into the success of Buffalo School Superintendent Dr. James Williams. It doesn’t take a PhD in journalism to note the obvious bias in the article summarizing his first year as chief cook and bottle washer of the Buffalo prison system school sytem. It also doesn’t take a degree in anything at all to determine that Phil Rumore is a tool. I know you come here for that kind of in-depth situational analysis…you’re welcome.

Anyhow, the article goes through the litany of reforms that Dr. Williams is in the process of implementing with middle finger fully extended to Rumore and his army of handout whores.

A three-year phase-out of social promotion.

Mandatory summer school for nearly 5,500 struggling students.

The establishment of an alternative school and a math and science academy, both scheduled to open in September.

A Commencement Academy for eighth-grade graduates who aren’t ready to move on to ninth grade.

A foundation to raise funds for athletic and arts programs.

The introduction of Advanced Placement courses at all city high schools.

For those not in the know, I’m a big fan of leaders who rule by dictum and suffer fools poorly. So, I’m a big fan of Dr. Williams who has not only taken on the teachers union but also the citizens of the city for their lackadaisical support of quality education, neighborhood groups who don’t support school reforms, parents who don’t participate, and the Urban League which stands idly by while the students in this city fail to learn.

Dr. Williams feels that we need to spend our money in a smarter manner, while Rumore feels we simply need more money. Last time I checked, we spend more per pupil than just about any school district in America and we have the second highest average teacher salaries in the nation. With the piss poor results we’re posting, it’s doubtful that spending MORE will actually produce better results.

Which is why statements like this one really piss me off.

Peters, the Discovery School teacher, criticizes Williams for switching to a single-carrier health insurance plan without union consent and fears he might unilaterally impose other changes on teachers, including staffing rules and a longer school year and school day.

“We’re going to get caught in the middle,” Peters said.

Yeah, it’s all about you. Excuse me but, what the f*ck? In eight words, this teacher summed up a significant part of the problem in the Buffalo Public School system. Teachers who think of themselves before educating the children.

Teachers deserve a fair wage for the incredibly valuable service they provide. However, being asked to stay an extra hour to extend the day, limit the number of study halls, up the number of electives available to students and to stay after to tutor is part of that gig. Teachers in Buffalo are more than fairly compensated when compared to teachers around the country,

I’m just getting a bit tired of hearing how they are part of the oppressed masses…enough already. There’s about 5,000 people who were trained as teachers at Buff State, UB, Canisius, etc. who had to move all over the country to find teaching jobs. Most of them would love to move home and be subjected to these oppressive salary, benefit, and generous pension “punishments”.

Start putting the kids first and then come talk to me.

One man’s lewd and indecent is another man’s ideal Saturday night…

Richard A. Snowden sometimes refers to the exotic dancers at his Cheektowaga strip club as “angels.”

But less-than-angelic behavior by some dancers landed the club, Rick’s Tally-Ho, in hot water with the State Liquor Authority in recent years, according to government records.

In 2003 and 2004, the exotic dance club on Genesee Street was penalized a total of $12,500, records show.

A penalty of $4,500 was assessed in May 2003 after an undercover investigator witnessed what the state called “lewd and indecent conduct” that went beyond what is allowed in such clubs.

So, what type of lewd and indecent behavior are we talking about?

The first penalty came after the state said its investigator observed topless dancers performing lap dances, allowing customers to touch their breasts, and dancers touching each other’s breasts and other body parts.

“[The investigator] was approached by a dancer in the premises and asked if he wanted to go into the back room. The charge was $125 and the dancer stated that she would do anything [the investigator] wanted her to do,” the SLA said in its report.

Ya know, when this whole Snowden nonsense started up, I was nonplussed. Now, I come to find out that “the man” is leaning on Snowden and repressing the income of our exotic dancer community. I might have to go out there and do some investigation on my own. Pure citizen investigative journalism at it’s best. In fact, I’ll probably bring Jay and Marc along with me just to make sure we get the full story. WNYMedia.net, on your side.

BTW, how much ass do you think a guy has to kiss at the State Liquor Authority to get on the strip club investigation team???

The goal of this annual event is to build upon the efforts of the Buffalo Niagara Partnership, Buffalo Niagara Enterprise, BuffaloPlace and countless other organizations with a grassroots effort to turn our many “Buffalo Expatriates” into “Buffalo Repatriates”. We aim to reposition Buffalo in the minds of our expats as a thriving and emerging market that is home to a burgeoning cultural, technical, and economic renaissance. At the end of the weekend, we hope to have shown both our local and our expat community what “New Buffalo” is all about and turn them into repats and Buffalo boosters.

This potential repat demographic provides the “Four E’s” that are absolutely essential to continuing the Buffalo renaissance: Energy, Enthusiasm, Experience and Expertise. These qualities empower the existing populace to see the opportunity all around them and to capitalize on it!

Do you believe in what we’re doing? Do you believe it’s a worthy goal to bring our Buffalo expatriates home? If so, have you registered to attend any of our free events or purchased a ticket to any of our signature events?

Buffalo Bills Tailgate Party

Saturday, August 26th, 2006

Pearl Street Grill & Brewery
76 Pearl Street Buffalo, NY 14202
716-856-2337

2:00-4:00pm

Join Bills and sports fans alike at this pre-game tailgate party downtown. Come celebrate with our returning Buffalonians and welcome them back!

Appearances by Buster Bison from the Buffalo Bisons; Victor E. Bull, the University at Buffalo mascot; Rex, the mascot of the Buffalo Bandits; and Sabretooth of the Buffalo Sabres, who will be joined by a current Sabres player and a Sabres alumni. You can also try your skills at the Sabres Puck Patrol or enter our sports memorabilia raffle drawings.

Food stations and a cash bar will be available at the tailgate party.

Click here to buy your tickets for only $14.95!

Sunday Brunch in Delaware Park

Sunday, August 27th, 2006

Marcy Casino on Hoyt Lake in Delaware Park
Lincoln Parkway Buffalo, New York
716-882-5920

10:00am-3:00pm

Come mingle with Expats, Repats and locals at Buffalo’s biggest and best Sunday brunch. The price for brunch is $10 for adults $5 for children 10 and under. The menu can be viewed here.

Also on Sunday during the brunch will be a “Celebrate Buffalo Artist Fair & Exhibit”. Come see the works of local artists who will have their Buffalo merchandise available for purchase.

Click here to buy your tickets!

Come and join us to welcome back our Buffalo expatriates in style at these events or simply visit our homepage to make a secure and tax deductible donation to support our efforts!

You can also go to Buffalo.com and register to bring your favorite Buffalo expat back to the city for Buffalo Old Home Week.

Enter for a chance to bring a friend home for Buffalo Old Home Week. If your entry is selected as the Grand Prize winner, your out-of-town friend receives an airline gift certificate and a stay at The Mansion on Delaware Avenue for August 25th and 26th, 2006. Prize also includes dinner for four at a downtown restaurant and a Made In Buffalo gift basket.

Click here to register!

It just keeps getting better…Colbert is the king.

Could we be seeing this on the streets of Buffalo anytime soon?

Evidently, discussions are underway about utilizing Segway scooters for parking enforcement and neighborhood/event patrols.

Some Buffalo police officers, parking enforcement officers and even housing inspectors soon might be tooling around the city on battery-powered, self-balancing scooters.

“They would be perfect for patrolling some isolated paths along the waterfront, and for crowd control at events like Allentown,” said Kearns. “And we would be able to use them for at least seven months of the year.”

Segways are used by police and emergency personnel all around the country. It’s an effective way to increase police presence at events and in undrivable stretches of the city.

In Chicago, police use Segways to control crowds and patrol areas that are hard to reach using regular vehicles. Chicago firefighters use personal transport devices to perform emergency medical services at special events. The electric scooters also are used in the Rochester suburb of Greece to patrol a mall, and by police officers in Miami. Buffalo lawmakers are convinced the devices would allow the city to slash energy costs and vehicle maintenance expenses while dramatically improving some services.

The scooters could be used seven months out of the year in Buffalo and would save significant money on gas and vehicle maintenance.

The gasoline savings alone could go a long way in offsetting the costs of buying the devices, which cost between $5,000 and $6,500 apiece. Every time gas increases by a penny, it costs the city $10,000. Hence, a $1 increase per gallon takes a $1 million bite out of Buffalo’s budget.

Sounds like a pretty good idea, eh? So, what’s the major hurdle in implementing such a program, cost? Nope.

City officials are willing to explore the feasibility of using Segways in some departments, said Peter K. Cutler, Mayor Byron W. Brown’s communications director. But some officials noted that the use of such vehicles would have to be negotiated with some city unions.

Wow, that’s shocking. /sarcasm

I know that the unwritten rule of politics is that if you have a commanding lead, you don’t grant your struggling opponent any extra time in the limelight. It can only hurt you.

However, it’s my opinion that Spitzer has a responsibility to debate Tom Suozzi on upstate issues.

Two days after Buffalo television viewers were blocked from watching this week’s Democratic gubernatorial debate, Nassau County Executive Thomas Suozzi challenged his front-runner rival, Eliot Spitzer, to debate him in the city next month.

Suozzi said Buffalo would be an ideal venue for a single-issue debate: the future of the upstate economy, a matter that was mentioned only in passing during the one-hour debate Tuesday night at a college campus theater in Manhattan.

“I’m prepared to debate in Buffalo anytime,” Suozzi said outside the state Capitol on Thursday.

In order to make an educated decision in the primary, upstate voters need to hear specifics on each candidate’s plan for Albany reform and spurring upstate growth. Until now, we’ve only heard platitudes in commercials and snippets in newspaper articles…not the best criteria for making a critical choice.

Spitzer appears to be omfortable running a campaign based on non-specific agenda items and snappy taglines.

Aside from the proposed upstate debate in Buffalo, several other debate invites have been extended to all candidates.

The League of Women Voters has offered to sponsor one Democratic primary debate - in Albany on Aug. 31 - and four general election debates in October and early November in Buffalo, Manhattan, Ithaca and Long Island. League officials said only Suozzi and Republican gubernatorial candidate John Faso have agreed to attend the debates.

Now, you all know that I’m no fan of Spitzer but, seriously…why is he hiding? Debates educate the public, open the democratic process to more voters, and serve to increase voter turnout. If Spitzer is confident in his plans and truly believes he has the best agenda to reform New York State, why won’t he give us the opportunity to hear it in detail?

Cubicle War

Farewell Mr. Gates

Animal Farm Redux

One Year Anniversary of Unnecessary Censorship

The Muppets Say F*ck The Police